Have I mentioned lately how PRECIOUS Toddler is?

We’ve all had accidents like this.   The Curious Case of  Toddler and the Trip to the Kitchen.

Adventures on a Big Wheel

When  Toddler  visits,  she likes to ride a Big Wheel that Grandma let her pickout  herself at WalMart. Skipping over the  Dora the Explorer model, Toddler picked the big black one with the neon green seat that makes all the clicky, roary-like  motor sounds of a real motorcycle.  She could  hardly sit still until we got it put together and had  all the decals put on. When that was done, she took off down the sidewalk.

I watched her as she flew across the hard, gray strip, wincing when she’d hit a root-born crack real hard, remembering exactly how it felt to  have to stop and straddle  the toy to navigate over a big bump in  the walkway.

Sometimes I feel like that’s what I’ve been doing, as I navigate my way back to a sense of financial stability, and  balance in my career  of 25 years. I’d let myself fall into a decline, a type of burn-out. Turns out, I’d let a bit of  difficulty in one  workplace send me off into a hidey hole at another, where I had my own space and didn’t have  to work with others if I  didn’t want to. Just do my job and go home.

Now, after being led  to the salon where I work,  I feel a renewed interest  in my career,  and things are picking  up.  I am  seeing less and less bumps in the sidewalk to struggle over. I still run into those little cracks that jar  me here and there. But so far, this salon has been good for me. I’m learning new  things,  and rediscovering the value in working and playing well with others.

Throughout her riding, Toddler took joy in what she was  doing. I’m rediscovering the way to do the same. The same way she loved racing the little  boy on across the street, reveling  in the friendly competition, I am tackling challenges  I  normally shy away from.

And  it’s paying off, bit by bit.

I’m  not out of  the woods yet, by any means.  But I’m finding the  path, praise God. I am  thankful for the blessings of  the past week, especially. Tired and sore, but thankful. Like Toddler, who knew when it was time to rest from her  racing and bumping around,  I am taking today to kick back  and rest, so I can face another week at the salon, hoping for more blessings to come.

Where are the hookers?

“What?”  I asked Toddler. I knew, of course, that there was no way on Earth that the little darling meant anything close to how it sounded.

‘You know,” she said, holding up part of the new Sleeping Beauty play set Grandma b ought her the night before, “these things?”

“Oh, the harness for your pony?” She’d been hooking up the princess’s carriage.  “I don’t know, let’s look.”

I should probably be ashamed of  myself, but it was one of many moments the child delivered some amusing phrases and experiences as well as some very tender moments during her visit with us last week.

First off, I have to say that those DVD players made for travel are the best inventions EVER. And Toddler showed US how to work it. I think Mom wishes they’d been around when we were kids. Of course, I think I’ll be hearing the new Scooby-Doo theme song in my head for awhile. Which is really confusing since I’d invested so much time committing the old  one to memory when I was a kid. Scooby-Doo is her favorite cartoon, next to Star Wars, The Clone Wars. Go figure. Daddy’s influence there, I suspect.  Although Grandma said she seemed more interested in the boy’s toys at WalMart than  the girls’. She’s right, they seem to stock a lot more interesting toys for boys than girls.

We went to McDonald’s (the one with the playground, per Toddler) three times. She is an expert at ordering her own Happy Meal (Chicken Nuggets, Ketchup, LOTS of ketchup, Apple Slices WITH carmel dip and Chocolate Milk)  Naturally, she was  much more  interested  in the playground than eating. Except the ketchup and the caramel dip,  she downed those like I do tequila shots.

This eating thing…I don’t know if it was just normal  four-year-old behavior, or what, but she was always eating, yet wouldn’t eat. You know, like meals. She loved to run to the fridge for a string cheese, or a juice box, but when I  asked her what she wanted to eat, or offered a meal, she refused all the things that are usually her favorite. Except salad.  She seems to love salad. Which makes her one up one me. When she rejected the chicken nuggets we’d brought to the table, she actually said she didn’t want them, I ate  them as she played.  Well, that ticked her off royally. Because, you see, apparently another thing I’ve learn is that four-year-old women- in-training can change their minds just as quickly as the big girls.

Evidently, she can SAY things like big girls, too. Maybe. I’m not sure, since I didn’t actually hear it. See, a little boy on the playground tattled on her, saying she said a bad word when I called her down  for the day.

“What did she say?” I blurted.

The boy slid a glance at his mother then looked at me, wide-eyed as if to say,’ Are you kidding me? My mom’s right there.’

I realized my mistake almost immediately, told him nevermind, then called Toddler down again.

She came down  with her little stuffed pony covering her eyes, as if that would shield her from whatever scolding  she might be in for. It was so cute, watching her tentatively navigate downward on the block-like steps, like she was marching her way to the hangman’s noose.  I  asked her if she had said a bad word, and she denied it. My dilemma was, I knew if she said something bad, I should discipline her, but since she’d told me no, and I didn’t hear it myself, I shouldn’t let her think I’d take a strange kid’s word over hers, no matter if I suspected she was guilty as heck. I settled for reminding her that if she DID say a naughty word, she needed to remember that she shouldn’t say them. That we’d call it even, since I’d eaten her chicken nuggets.

But back to the playground…She was an animal. Jump, run, climb, slide, slither over these rolly-things, she did it all, fearlessly. (Just last year, I had to go in an  help her on some of it.)  You’d think, after all that, she’d be ready for her usual naptime. Nope. You’d think that since she missed her naptime, she’d be more than ready for bedtime. Nope.

Nope, she was on Toddler vacation time and took full advantage of her inexperienced Aunt  Sis and Uncle Mr.  Man.

She liked bathtime, though.  (Cue this music– Splish Splash,  I was Takin’ a Bath)  Trying to get her to soap up,  rinse off,  and get OUT of the tub was another project. I tried telling her that if she didn’t wash behind her ears, potatoes would grow back there.

She countered with,”If I don’t wash my bottom, will potatoes grow there, too?”

Giggling, I told her that no, just her ears were where they’d grow.

We were watching cartoons together, and Hermione, our female mini-Dacshund, crawled into my lap.  We looked at her paws, and Toddler remarked that the pup didn’t like her nails trimed. I agreed. Toddler then gave me the pitch, right from TV, for that PediPaws filing system, and said I should get that, then Hermione would be happy as a clam.

Did I mention, she is FOUR?

Which made  it even funnier to hear her say, “Stop PERSECUTING me!” at one point. I don’t thing she knew what she was saying, since she was quoting from one of her movies, but I wouldn’t be surprised since she can use ‘improvise’ correctly in a sentence.

We made homemade Valentines, and also baked Granny’s sugar cookies, shaped like hearts. That child rolled out and cut out those cookies like a natural. Every bit as good as me or Grandma. It was the same way with the biscuits we made the night before.

Let me tell you, they are mighty tasty! I think Toddler’s touch made them extra sweet.

I have so much more I could  talk about, but it’s getting late, and I have to work early.

See you later!

A Message from Toddler

Hi, my name is Toddler. Right now   I am watching Veggie Tales while Aunt Sis watches soaps.  We are fixin’  to go see Grandma at her store, then go to McDonald’s. I like to play in the playground. I like Chicken Nuggets. There is a toy in my Happy Meal box, too.

That’s all for now.

‘Bye!

I don’t know my own strength…

Well, Christmas has come and gone.  For the most part.  Uncle B and Aunt D are coming this next weekend, and we’ll holiday with them.   Looking forward to that.

Brother, SisM, and Toddler were here this weekend. Mom and I finally finished decorating Santa Claus cookies, baked gingerbread men, and Mr. Man helped wrap gifts.  It finally felt like Christmas.

Toddler was in full-blown Christmas reverie. She opened her baby doll, and exclaimed, “A Water Baby! Just like I saw on the commercial! Oh, wow!”  Yeah, that Water Baby was neat, but none of the baby dolls I ever got came with a heart-shaped tattoo on their butt.

Who knew? Toddler is now  tuned in to commercials, like the rest of us. I’m sure her Mom and  Dad realized this long before I did.  Perhaps I should ask her what she wants for Christmas now, to get my ideas. And, to my dismay, I received my first eye-roll, and she’s only four years old. All I did was ask her if she remembered when we used to sing Jingle Bells together.  “Yeeesssss,” she groaned, casting those saucer-sized baby blues toward heaven.

It was long after I got my Big Hug. When we first walked in, Toddler ran to us and as I caught her up, she hugged my neck just as hard as she could.  When I commented on how  strong she is, she said, “Yes, because I just don’t know my own strength.”  Then she leaned over to deliver Mr.  Man’s share of that strength.

She helped pass out the gifts, and loved giving as much as getting.  She watched me open one, and smiled when I exclaimed over the present of sumptuous bath products.  “You thank us for that,” she said excitedly. And I did, lavishly. At one point, she looked at her pile and exclaimed, “Someone must really like me.”

Ya think?  Grandma was having just as much fun as she was!

We looked at Mom’s new Christmas decorations, one of which was a flameless candle from Avon. She picked it up to show it to me, and explained, “This just isn’t your ordinary candle.”

While the best part of Christmas is the  love, I have to admit I was spoiled. 

Mom surprised me with a KitchenAid mixer. I was NOT expecting that.  Actually,I thought Mr. Man was going to get me  the mixer. When we exchanged gifts, and there was no mixer,  I thought that was it.  But then voila, Mommy comes through! Mr.Man delivered a different surprise altogether–neon to go underneath my pretty little Inferno Red PT Cruiser. I hope  I can find someone  to put the lights on for me  soon.  He also got me a  B & N gift card, and some other accessories for my car, some I’d wanted for awhile.

We celebrated a wedding with a friend who is more like family this past week, too.  A veteran Cavalry Scout home from Iraq for awhile, he’s had more than his share of heartache personally and professionally. It’s a joy to see him achieve his heart’s desire at last.

Today, though,  I attended  a funeral for a family member of my dear friend, Thumper. This was the fourth death in her family within five months. It is heartbreaking to watch her get knocked down time and  time again. I wish there was something I could do  to make it better, but this is in God’s hands.  I can only lend an ear and a shoulder, and hope I canbe a good enough friend to her. 

So many times, I feel like I fall short in that area, regarding many friends.

For some good news–

My new salon  location  is working out  extremely well, so far.  It is an answer to many prayers I’ve uttered over the past few months.  I feel a renewed sense of passion for the career I chose so many years ago. This place, I cautiously say, is the best salon I’ve worked in so far.  If I can stay focused on the work,  and not get drawn into any inevitable dramas that rear their ugly heads in any work arena, it will be absolutely ideal. I feel  better about myself just by working there.  Like after twenty-five years in the biz, I’ve finally received the promotion I deserve. Oh, I’m not claiming to be the best hairdresser in town by any means, and have produced some real uh-ohs (some of them on friends. Sorry!) but I think I’m finally on a level I’ve worked hard for.

My creativity is renewed…do you think I might be inspired in other areas, too? 

Here’s to 2009, and a sense of hope and possibility!

She’s HEEEEE-RE!

Yes, Toddler came to town with her Mom and Dad today, so we could have our Thanksgiving dinner. So you KNOW I’m happy.

I’m sure I’ll have more later, but I had to mentioned this:

Tonight, as we were watching the OU–OSU game, Toddler looked around the room, counting the girls. She figured out that there were only two guys in our family, and, including the dog, five females.  She looked up at her Dad (and this is after one of those serious talks Brother had to have with her) and held up her index finger. 

“You better look out, boys,” she warned. ‘You’re OUTnumbered.” Then she looked up at her mommy.  “So that means we’re IN-numbered, doesn’t it?”

Who couldn’t agree with logic like that?

Perspective

Mom worked and fought the sewing machine for hours while I helped her get the house ready for Brother and family last Friday night.  She’d promised Toddler that she’d make her a Batgirl costume for Halloween.  Not realizing they might come to town so soon after our visit up there, she’d cut it out but not finished it yet, thought maybe she’d overnight it in time for Toddler to wear for her trick-or-treating. So when Toddler excitedly asked about her costume over the telephone the other day, a couple of days before they came, Mom realized she had a lot of work to do. 

The sewing machine had other ideas.  It wasn’t in the mood to cooperate, and after one seam was sewn, it refused to work.  Although she tried and tried, in the end, the sewing machine won that battle (though I can guarantee you, Mom WILL win that war, in the end.)  I thought Mom was going to cry herself as she thought about how disappointed Toddler was going to be.  She loathed the idea of letting her Sunshine down.  I tried to make things better, and tell her Toddler would understand, but Mom wasn’t so sure, after hearing the little girl’s excitment over the phone.

So when Toddler arrived at my house, I explained how Grandma was disappointed and sad about her sewing machine breaking, and that she was unable to finish the Batgirl costume. 

Toddler looked at me with those big blue eyes, and said, “Why is she sad?”

“Well,” I explain, hoping I hadn’t opened a can of worms, “She didn’t want you to be disappointed.”

“Well, you know,” Toddler said in all seriousness, “I’m really all right with that, ’cause I can wear my witch costume from last year. Grandma doesn”t need to be disappointed.”

Amazed at her wonderful attitude, I smile.  “That’s sweet of you, Toddler.  You make sure and hug Grandma and tell her that.”

“I will.” And then the dashed off to play with Dodger and Hermione.

The rest of the weekend included, among our fun, a search for a Batgirl cape, which we found at Target, the last place we looked. 

On the way home from work today, I was moping a bit about the house thing.  Then I had a flashback to this latest Toddler memory we’d created last weekend.  And from her, I revisted another valuable lesson.

It’s okay if we didn’t get the house.  I need to quit acting like a spoiled child, and more like  Toddler.  We’ll just find something else, and it might be just as good, or even better.  I need to not worry (something I constantly remind myself ) and go with it and wait and see what’s next.

Heavenly Weekend

Ah…Had a great weekend with the family!

Brother and SisM strapped Toddler into the car seat and came back to Texas for the weekend!

Hot DAWG,

Hot DAWG,

Hot diggity DAWG!

As Toddler often sang this weekend.  I think she learned  it from watching the Micky Mouse Club or something.  I LOVE how  she says “DAWG!”

I love how she made sure to share her early Halloween treats with her Mommy and Daddy, and I love how she asked me to reasd to her and fell asleep in my arms last night.  Do I need to mention how it felt when she hugged me tight as she could again when she saw me this morning?  She takes my face in her little hands, focuses her blue eyes on me and I’m spellbound. 

We spent the day with Grandma, shopping and all that jazz. 

And then, it was time for the crew to point the car East, and head back to OKC. 

*sigh*

Well, the holidays are nearly upon us, and that means more togetherness to come!

Sneaking in plain sight

The day was bright and clear, the temperature perfect for a girl who loves fall…that’s how I still see myself, as a girl,  despite the fact that at the age of forty-two I should  probably graduate to referring to myself as a woman.  Actually I’m still waiting for that infernal invisible line to cross to tell me I’m officially grown up. And say I do find it, what then?

Oh, of course,  I do all the grown up  things: I’m married, I have a job (two, actually) and pay bills.  Yes,  I’ve managed  to accrue that grown up kind of debt. We have our own  home, we are trying to patch together a family through foster-to-adopt (if we can ever sell this house  and move into a bigger one!)

Yet my inner child, nee my inner little girl, dominates my days.  Perhaps it shows through in some  of my converations or writings as immaturity.  Clinton and Stacy from What Not To Wear would throw away my Eeyore t-shirts with disgust.  Or is it my innate self-indulgence? Lack of certain self-disciplines?

How else can  I so closely identify with Toddler?  I look  back  at pictures of myself as I was a toddler myself, and I remember. I remember what it was like to be spoiled and carefree, not tied down my all the stresses of every day life.  Well, I’m still spoiled rotten, I  have to admit.  But when I look at that child, I think, “THAT’S who I am.  Where did I go?

I’m still there. 

Anyway, this particular day, Toddler chose her favorite restaurant, McDonald’s (the new one with the playground,  not the one nearest her home) to celebrate her birthday.  She kicked off her shoes and dove in amongst the other hooligans, some definitely too big to be playing in there.  Pretty soon, she comes in  and chomps on a couple of her chicken nuggets, then trots off to the primary-colored monster on the other side of the glass.  Sooner than we thought, Toddler returns, carrying her sneakers.

“Are you done already, baby girl?” Brother asks her.

“No, I  just need my shoes on.” Her gaze slides toward the bright yellow curvy slide we’d watched her try to climb several times. 

“No, it’s against the rules, you can’t wear  your shoes inside the play area,” I remind her.

Toddler sighed.  “Okaaayy.” She goes back to the slide, but pretty soon she’s back, and finishing off her nuggets.  She reaches down to slide off her socks.

“What are you doing now?” SisM asks.

“Taking off my socks…”

“Nooo…” a chorus of adult  voices chime.

“But–”

“Rules…”

Another sigh.  “Okaaayyy!”

So, Toddler scoots off again.  We see her sit down over near the slide, glancing over her shoulder  to see if we watched.  Thinking we couldn’t see her, Toddler slid off her socks,  and  held them carefully as she finally conquered the slide in reverse.  Afterward, she sat back down really quick and slipped those  socks  right on again!

She ran back over to us, sipped her drink, then put her fingers into her back pockets.

“Toddler,” asks Brother, “Did you take your socks off?”

Toddler’s head raises and a grin she can’t hold back lights up her face. ‘Noooo…”

“Toddler?”

Her grin gets bigger.

“Toddler, you know how important it is to tell the truth?” Brother nods along with Toddler.  “Did you take off your socks?”

“No–Okay, I took off my socks. But–”

Thus ensued a life lesson on honesty. Another one,  I think, since Brother said you could always tell her fib face by that grin and head raise.  At least we know Toddler isn’t a natural liar.

All’s well that ends well,  as they say.  The day went on to more fun and surprises for the rest of her big day.

And my inner little girl was delighted to play with her.

Poke!

Poke-poke-poke!

From  my comfortable nest on SisM and Brother’s sofa bed, I open my eyes to find a blonde angel staring at me. 

“It’s my birthday!”  Toddler grins, holding her pink blankie. “I’m four years old! Time to get up!”  She flies into her Mommy and Daddy’s room to make the same announcement.  Grandma got it first, having shared a room with the sweetie.

Yep, I spent the weekend with Toddler. Mom and I drove over to OKC for the Big Event. It felt great to play with her, tell her stories and snuggle.  She’s into Scooby Doo right now, and superheroes.  Superman, Spiderman, Wonder Woman, Batman and Robin.  She wants to be BatGirl for Halloween.

“Bats sleep upside down,” she informed me.  “And they eat bugs.”  Later, at Walgreens, Grandma bought Toddler a headband with a bat on  it, and we all got a turn at being the bad guy, while she saved the day.  That actually turned out to be a great tickle-fest.

A Scooby Doo birthday cake, four candles burning bright, and gifts all around.   “What’s next Dad, I’m ready!” she’d announce, rubbing her hands together with glee. Birthday lunch at Micky D’s– the one with the playground, of course.  Mr. Man calls, since he had to stay home because he was ON call. He tells Toddler Happy birthday, and she tells him all about Star Wars The Clone Wars, and hands the phone back to me.  But she asks for it back right quick and proudly announces to her uncle, “Oh, and I’m four years old!” 

Everything was a great time, but Toddler hates to say goodbye as much as we do.  When the time came,she refused to do it.  This was the second time that’s happened. She did it last month when we were there for the car show. I’d just written it off as her being tired. But when it happened again, I figured it out.  Mom told me later That she remembered another little girl who hated to say goodbye.  She said I used to throw up everywhere, I got so upset  when we left Aunt D and  Uncle B’s house.

I’m looking forward to seeing her again, hopefully in a couple of weeks.  She might be over for Halloween. 

In the meantime, I will hold the latest batch of memories close.

Toddlerisms

“I love you bigger than the sky,” I say.

Toddler smiles. “And longer than the lake.”

I’m not sure where “longer than the lake” came from, but nonetheless, it’s true.  “And longer than the lake.”

Later, Grandma gets in on the act, after Toddler and I make another exchange like this.

“And I love you a bushel and a peck,” says Grandma.

“Huh?”  says Toddler.

Grandma smiles.  “A bushel and a peck and a  hug around the neck,” she sings.

“Oh.” Says Toddler, absorbing this new phrase.

We begin to explain it’s another way of telling her how much we love her, but Toddler is tired of the mushy stuff.  “You guys, if you keep saying that, I’m going to get grumpy.”

______________________________________________________________________________

 ”Run inside and give Grandma a kiss,” I tell Toddler as I hear a hymn beginning that was sung at Granny’s funeral.  Normally, I would be inside the church family room to sing along at the informal gathering, but I got caught outside visiting with some folks.  Toddler trots into the hall, remembering to close the door behind her.  A minute later, she runs outside again.

“Phew,” she exclaims, “They almost sang in my ear.”

___________________________________________________________________________________

As we arrived the first day, Toddler  looked at the church and said, “Is this where I handed things to people last year?”

We smiled, remembering how eager she was to help even as a two-year-old.  “Sure is.  Do you want to help again this year?”

“Sure!”

A little while later, as the food started appearing, I asked Toddler if she was ready to go help.

“Nahhh.”

“Nah?  I thought you wanted to help.  Have you changed you mind?”

“Naahhh.  I’m just lazy.” She plopped face-first into the floppy camp chair next to mine, then turned her head to smile at me as the late afternoon sun dappled through the leaves of the tree we were under.  After a long day playing, and how warm it was, I can’y say I blame her.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Toddler was riding a tricycle around the family hall, and had just happened to wrap Dodger’s leash around the handle to “walk” him. 

“He likes it,” She explained.

The look on his face and the stiffness of his legs told me otherwise. 

_______________________________________________________________________________

Toddler was leaving Thursday.

“I love you bigger than the sky,” I say.

“And longer than the lake,” she finishes, with a pause.  “I love you a bushel and a peck,” she adds.

“And a hug around the neck,” I finish.

As Brother and Toddler drive away, Mom and I get a bit choked up.  “It’s always the hardest part, “she says.

“I know.”

We share a hug, then begin again on our everyday lives.