Jeffrey!

One of my all Time Favorites!

more about “Jeffrey!“, posted with vodpod

Random Tidbits

Sent from a friend:

THINGS I LEARNED FROM LIVING IN TEXAS

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Texas

There are 10,000 types of spiders.  All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a couple no one’s seen before.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

‘Twiced’ is a  word.

People actually grow and eat okra (Only if it’s fried–DW)

‘Fixinto’ is one  word.

There is no such thing as  ‘lunch.’  There is only dinner and then supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all  meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar! (Not me.–DW)

‘Backwards and  forwards’ means I know everything about you!

‘Djeet’ is actually a phrase meaning  ‘Did you eat?’

You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.

You don’t PUSH buttons, you  MASH them.

You measure distance in hours. Like ‘ it’s 6 hours from Houston to Dallas ….’

You’ll probably have to  switch from ‘heat’ to  ‘A/C’ in the same day.

‘Fix’ is a verb.  Example: ‘I’m fixing to go to the store.’

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

Yes, Friday night high school football is serious football!

You carry jumper cables in your car. . . for your OWN car.

There are only four spices:  salt, pepper,  Tabasco and  ketchup.

100 degrees Fahrenheit is  ‘a little warm.’

We have four seasons: Almost  Summer, Summer, still Summer and  Christmas.

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite  past time  known as ‘goin’ to Wally-World.’

A cool snap (below 70 degrees)  is good pinto-bean weather.

A carbonated soft drink  isn’t a soda, cola or pop. . . .. it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.  Example: ‘What kind a coke you  want?’

Fried catfish is the other  white meat.

We don’t need no stinking  driver’s ed . . .  if our mama says we can drive, we  can drive.

Most important, if you need help, ask God, if you don’t,  thank God.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I went to LINDA CASTILLO’s local signing for SWORN TO SILENCE Thursday night. It was really nice!  So glad to have my keeper copy in my hands!

Linda’s blogging at Minotaur Book’s MOMENTS IN CRIME. Very good articles!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Check out Jennifer Archer and Mary Schramski’s new blog, MENOPAUSE MUSING: WRITING WITHOUT PERIODS. It’s so funny!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson…Billy Mays? Wow.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Finally having a day to slow down. Loving it.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Missing the family in Oklahoma. ***HUGS****

High School 1957 vs. 2009

–HIGH SCHOOL–
1957 vs. 2009

Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack.

1957 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2009 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins.. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2009 – Police called and SWAT team arrives — they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.

1957 – Jeffrey sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2009 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt..

1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.

2009 - Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 – Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.

2009 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations.  His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.

1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.

2009 - Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist.  ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher.  English is then banned from core curriculum.  Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.

1957 - Ants die.

2009 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents — and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated.
Johnny’s dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2009 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison… Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy..

All this goes to show how politically incorrect we have become.

Cougar Barbie

Be sure to stop by Jenny’s Blog for more Barbie fun!

Not A Good Sign

Reading

more animals

Good for a couple of grins

Always check your kid’s homework!

Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit.  I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it.  Her picture doesn’t show me dancing around a pole.  It’s supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Sincerely,
Mrs.  Smith

No Sissy Stuff

1. When you are sad, I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!

 2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

 

 3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

 

 4. When you’re scared, we will high tail it out of here.

 

 5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!

 

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

 

7. When you are sick, stay away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.

 

8. When you fall, I‘ll pick you up and dust you off– after I laugh my butt off!!

 

9. This is my oath…I pledge it to the end. ’Why?’ you may ask; – because you are my FRIEND!

 

                                ***********************

Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it, but only YOU can feel the true warmth.

Christmas Cookie Rules

1.      If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

2.      If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3.      If a friend comes over while you’re making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend.  Because your friend’s first cookie is calories free, rule #1 is yours also.  It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.

4.      Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move.  This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

5.      Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6.      Cookies colored red or green have very few calories.  Red ones have three and green ones have five – one calorie for each letter.  Make more red ones!

7.      Cookies eaten while watching “Miracle on 34th Street” have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.

8.      As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

9.      Any cookies consumed from someone else’s plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate.  We all know how calories like to CLING!

10.     Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories.  It’s a rule!

More fun

more about "More fun", posted with vodpod

Saturday Night Live – Gov. Palin Cold Open – Video – NBC.com

more about "Saturday Night Live – Gov. Palin Cold…", posted with vodpod