I got nothin’.
Things are surprisingly quiet at the moment, and I can’t seem to come up with any cleverness to astound you with. Not that I ever DID. 
Our house now has a foundation. It sure looks tiny…yet it is supposed to be 500 sq. ft. more than we have at present. Those I’ve spoken to that have had homes built assure me that this is normal. To just wait it out and have faith. Yeah, well, okay. I’m still not going to breathe a sigh of relief until we are actually living in the home. We’ve had our house on the market for a YEAR now. I hope something unforseen doesn’t happen to screw us out of this deal.
I’m starting to let myself get excited. Something I didn’t do when we picked out colors and tile and all that good stuff.
Ladybug and Girlchild have fun going by the land and seeing te progress. They are supposed to have it finished by the end of August, but I’ll be shocked to my toes if that happens.
Speaking of the girls–
They are doing splendidly. Ladybug has knocked off telling lies so much. Either that,or she’s getting better at it. The kind of fibs we had problems with her telling stemmed from insecurity and the need to make herself more that she thought she was. The fact that she has started to let that habit go is encouraging. Girlchild is seeming more secure too, more relaxed with us. Morewilling to go withthe fact we are fulfilling a parental role, without trying to replace her natural parents. Which I wouldn’t hesitate to do, if asked.
But both still speak of missing their parents, which is only natural. I pray, for the sake of these kids, that the parents can get it together.
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I’m having a summer lull in my business. Ick. You know, if someone with some dough laying around wanted to toss a few thousand my way, it would be greatly appreciated. I have PayPal, just let me know. RIGHT…..
The ol’ second job at the grocery store isn’t really helping out. Much. Between my availability and their scheduling…5 hours a week isn’t going to cut it. I’m thinking about turning in my notice.
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I was so excited when a friend at the salon gave me a copy of the latest PEOPLE magazine (well, last week’s anyway), pointing out Linda Castillo’s great placement and review for SWORN TO SILENCE in the “books” section. I’m tellin’ ya, this book, and Linda, really deserve all the kudos that are popping up everywhere. This is an exciting series, and not to be missed! Read this article in Cleveland.com! And this letter from Linda at a cool website I just found, She Loves Hot Reads.com!
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Jennifer Archer and Mary Schramski’s new blog, Menopause Musing: Writing Without Periods, is getting better and better! If you need a lift to your day, make sure and stop by!
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My own writing has been nil, as usual. I just don’t know what to say about that. The excuses just aren’t cutting it any more. They are tiresome, in fact. Blah.
But it feels good to blog again, even when I don’t really have anything to say.
So began one of my first conversations with one of our new foster daughters. Noooo, I didn’t say it, thank you very much. The four-year old did. I promise. From her car seat as I looked over my shoulder at her before driving off to find a daycare.
In case you were wondering where I’ve been, I have to say I think it was in the midst of a gustnado, literally and figuratively. Summer storm season is here, and so is, thankfully, some rain. But we’ve had plenty of rainbows, too, and that’s what I’m focusing on.
Last month, we received a call from CPS, asking us if we’d take a one-year-old girl. We were excited. This was it. What we’d been working for all this time! We made all the calls to our parents, friends, and whoever else should know, only to be disappointed the next morning when we got the call that we wouldn’t be fostering that child at all, because of some snafu. Yes, Situation Normal, All Fouled Up. (Okay, military guys, I know that’s not exactly the way it goes, but I’m a mommy now, and have to clean up my act.)
But the very next afternoon, we got a call from CPS asking us if we’d take a three, nearly four, year old girl THAT NIGHT, for an emergency placement. Wow. Talk about a tailspin. Of course we would.
At that point, the storm front came through.
I was already behind at work, but I overcame that and joined Mr. Man at home, where we waited. And waited. Finally, up the sidewalk, came our little girl. Hair a-tangle, dirty, with only the clothes on her back, and miserable. Evidently, the removal had been quite a scene. We don’t have a complete picture, only what we can form from bits and pieces. I have a feeling getting a whole story will be difficult, and will probably never happen. Suffice to say, the child was in desperate need, and we were desperately ready to start giving her any help we could.
The caseworker stayed quite awhile, trying to smooth the way in the introductions, but really, how can anything make it any better? Girlchild (as she will henceforth be known) had been plucked away from her Mommy and Daddy and didn’t understand why, but had some ideas in her head about it already.
The caseworker had to leave, and, already crying, Girlchild’s heart-rendering sobs shattered the tentative silence of the room that had been laying in wait, ready for a child to come live there. Her heart was broken. Mr. Man and I tried to soothe her, but nothing we said made a difference. I held her sweaty little body as she bawled, red-faced and snotty, and clung to my neck. I felt at a loss, while at the same time, God forgive me for the fleeting thought, hoping the lice in her hair didn’t jump into my own. But I was incapable of hesitating, parasites or no. Her need outweighed my concern ten-thousand fold.
After awhile, she drew back, and took several hiccuping breaths.
“It’s my fault,” she said, her voice matter-of-fact.
“What?” I asked, not wanting to believe she’d said it.
“It’s my fault. Every time my mommy gets in trouble it’s because of me.” Hiccup.
“No, baby. It’s NOT your fault.”
“It is too.”
“No…”
More crying.
“My mommy doesn’t love me.” Sob.
“Yes, she does. She loves you so much.”
“No, she doesn’t.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because she told me.”
THUD went my stomach. What could I say? “No, darlin’ your mommy does love you. I know it.” I hope I’m not lying.
Another thing her mommy said to her, according to Girlchild, came to light while she was with my mom the next day.
“My Mommy says I’m stupid. She doesn’t like me.”
“Why do you think that?” Mom asks.
“She told me.”
Ouch. Mom did her best to deflect this train of thought, and reassure Girlchild.
A few days later, we get a call, asking if we will take Girlchild’s sister, Ladybug (so called because of a recent face-painting experience.) Ladybug is five. All over the place. She’d been staying at a local assessment center with the two older siblings. Why she didn’t get placed with us at the beginning, I don’t know. (Get a running theme here? ‘I don’t know’ is a recurring phrase in dealing with this foster parenting thing, or so I am learning.) So the drama was less when Ladybug joined our household. But it’s still a sad situation, for reasons I’m not at liberty to discuss.
I have so many things that I CAN share with you though. And I will. But over time. Time…such a precious thing.
So now, we have two little girls.
And the same week, we signed a contract to build a house. Yes, it looks like we are finally going to move. The builder, nee his assistant, assures me that if we don’t sell our house by August, there will be an investor that will buy it. I just hope it all works out. I am afraid to get my hopes up, but BOOM there they are.
Oh, and did I mention the plague sinus infection/cold/whatever I’ve been fighting this past month? *COUGH*
AND our car club hosted a fundraiser for Relay for Life with PT Cruisers from 8 different states attending.
AND I still have both jobs.
Not that I’m a whiner or anything, it is what it is.
I’m thankful for the girls, for however long we are blessed with them.
I’m thankful for the opportunity for a new home.
I’m thankful that I have work, to give me money which I’ve already spent.
I’m thankful for Mr. Man, who has taken to this Daddy thing like a duck to water. What a guy.
I’m thankful for the new friends that we made, and the money that we raised to help battle cancer.
God is Great.
And with that, I am going to bed, y’all.
We love you. We Miss You.
Sworn to Silence by Linda Castillo
My review
rating: 5 of 5 stars
In Sworn to Silence, Linda Castillo creates a strong, vivid characters within a suspenseful, heart-thumping thrill-ride of a story.
Kate Burkholder,the lead protagonist, is refreshingly unique and possesses a depth that makes a reader want to know more about her, and why she abandoned the Amish life, yet came home to serve and protect the community she left behind. Kate’s counterpart, John Tomasetti, fighting demons of his own, is more than a match for her, with an intriguing multi-layered character of his own that magnetizes our attention to the page. Each struggles to come to terms with their past, while focusing on a very real evil haunting Painters Mill.
If those two weren’t enough, Sworn to Silence boasts a community of players that add rich texture and flavor to the novel.
I look forward to reading more about Kate and Tomasetti, and more intrigue in Painters Mill.
Things have been busy.
I haven’t blogged in so long, I think I may have lost my touch. I haven’t read many blogs either. Sorry! I’ll get back to you.
Let’s see…..
SUNDAY we went with fellow Cruisers to Palo Duro Canyon to cout out photo ops for our upcoming Cruising The Crossroads PT Cruiser event. In a convertible. Soooo fun. Makes me think I would like to have one…not happening. When we left the Canyon, we were invited to a cookout hosted by a local builder. Long story short,we were shown a house and signed a contract, builder wants to buy ours in a trade. UNLESS we have someone else they send our way wants to buy it first. Otherwise, they’re interested. Now…the financing circus. If one way doesn’t work, then we’ll go another way. if that doesn’t pan out, they’ve offered to build us a smaller one…right now, we’re waiting to hear from the mortgage company.
MONDAY we gat a call from our Foster Home Developer saying now that we were licensed, she wanted to have a home visit and go over some things and answer any questions we might have.
WHAT? We’re LICENSED? Who told us? We’ve been waiting for two weeks to to find out the answer to the Big Question. So there we are, folks. Paper in hand, WE ARE NOW OFFICIALLY LICENSED FOSTER-TO-ADOPT parents! Now we wait. Our Developer askedif we strictly want to adopt, or are willing to foster, too.
We’ve been asked this before in the course of our journey.
Today, a difinitive answer came to me, and I can only explain it as a True Calling. “FOSTERING, TOO” popped up in my mind, as clear as daylight. I think, and so does Mr. Man, that this is something God wants us to do right now. I haven’t felt something this strong in this way since I was baptized.
I don’t throw these thoughts or words around lightly.
We know it’s not going to be easy. And we know there will be difficulties along the way, but no one promised it would be a smooth road. We don’t know what situations we will find ourselves in. What we do know is the children need someone to stand for them, and take care of them when their families can’t. Or won’t. We’ll be sad when we have to relinquish custody of children we come to love.
But when the time comes, we’ll be able to build a forever family.
Oh, also on Monday, I had the privilege of seeing the brilliant Maya Angelou speak. I KNOW, she deserves a more respectable mention than my off-hand one. But I plan to post another blog on that wonderful experience later.
Today, Mom and I went to Sears to get the baby items we have on layaway. We were told not only did they not have that, but we were told the order had been improperly prepared,the items were un-orderable, and basically, their attitude was too bad, too sad for us. We were treated terribly,and couldn’t even get a manager to help us. The only thing they could do, they said, was mail us a check in two weeks. When we said we guessed they weren’t too eager to keep business, we were told with an attitude like ours, they sure didn’t. The fact is, we entered into the transaction in good faith, they defaulted, and we’re S.O.L. The salesperson spoke to both me, and my mother, in such a disrespectful manner it was beyond infuriating.
We did get some kid stuff from a yard sale across the street, though. The neighbor know what we are getting into,and gave us a really good deal on a lot of really great stuff!
Now, we’re stuck waiting again, for the next step in the adoption journey, and what we hope will be a final answer in the house stuff…
–HIGH SCHOOL–
1957 vs. 2009
Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack.
1957 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2009 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins.. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2009 – Police called and SWAT team arrives — they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1957 – Jeffrey sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2009 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt..
1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2009 - Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.
Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 – Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2009 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2009 - Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2009 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents — and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated.
Johnny’s dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2009 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison… Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy..
All this goes to show how politically incorrect we have become.
Brother is blogging! Go on over and see. http://digishark.wordpress.com
He’s a smart guy, with lots of advice on computers and other gadget stuff. He’s funny, too.
I wanted to share this poem I came across today, written by Lisa J. Schlitt:
With saddened eyes and head bent low,
It’s damaged goods most see.
With my unclear eyes and broken heart,
Who would want a child like me?
I watch her walk into the room,
From a distance I can see,
But dare I take a closer step?
Who would want a child like me?
And then I see her look my way,
She smiles so tenderly.
But do I even dare to dream,
She would want a child like me?
And then, as if I spoke out loud,
She approaches cautiously.
I try so hard to once believe,
She will want a child like me.
But dare I once let down my guard,
And trust that she will see,
Hiding beneath this old stained shirt,
Is a beautiful child like me?
My smile, they say, lights up a room.
I’ll be as good as I can be.
Oh, please, dear God, let her want
A special child like me.
I feel her hand reach out for mine,
And within her eyes I see,
A single, tiny, shining tear.
Could she want a child like me?
And when she takes me in her arms,
With a warmth so pure and new,
She says the words I’ve prayed to hear,
“The child I want is you.”
Isn’t that beautiful?
We had a nice shower here this afternoon. Fortunately, the severe weather steered around the city.
That’s not the only good news. It seems our home study went well…and soon we’ll know something for sure about our potential approval for foster-to-adopt parenthood.
Things around here have been kind of slow the past couple weeks, thus the quiet blog.
Stay tuned!
We’ve all had accidents like this. The Curious Case of Toddler and the Trip to the Kitchen.
